I’m too tired, I don’t have the energy or I don’t feel like it. You heard that before? The thing is when women reach menopause, some of the symptoms can be fatigue and low libido. Compound that with low self-image issues, gaining weight and having a harder time to lose it and it is harder to get in the mood. But there are ways you can help with a little effort and a lot of love and patience, no chemicals needed. Here are 10 things you’ll want to try

1. Pay attention to what she reads. If she reads J.K. Rowling or Tom Clancy, some of these tips may not be of much help. In this case, ask her about what she likes in those books. Show you care. If on the other hand, E L James and Maya Banks are in her e-reader, she wants to be wooed and this is for you!

2. Make a sexy playlist with songs such as Like I’m Gonna Lose You by Meghan Trainor, Bed of Roses by Bon Jovi, Feelin’ Love by Paula Cole and I Can Take it from Here by Chris Young among many others, especially the whole 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack

3. Cook up a special dinner, and don’t forget the aphrodisiac foods. Read Isabel Allende’s book Aphrodite for some inspiration and recipes. Why not read it together?

4. Make the night about her. It’s okay if she is tired, give her a massage. Let her take a nap and wake her up 15 minutes later with a glass of champagne

5. Create an intimate mood, but don’t overdo it. A few candles, just one with a special smell, and not cinnamon, is usually enough. If she likes essential oils, put some Jasmine or Ylang Ylang in the diffuser

6. Make it playful if the mood strikes. It’s okay to laugh at yourself if you’re uncomfortable being romantic. It will be more endearing than if you try too hard and are too rigid in your planning. The night doesn’t have to go exactly as planned

7. Get the routine out of the way. If there’s laundry to be folded, do it before, so she won’t have an excuse

8. Buy flowers and put them in a vase, or better yet, buy a vase

9. Get her some sexy lingerie, but only what you know she would be comfortable with. And if you want her to wear it that night, wash it by hand for her

10. Get your 50 Shades on. Talk a little dirty, bind her wrists with your softest, most expensive tie, or blindfold her with silk. And have fun!

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